• 10:43
  • 19.08.2017
6 sexual things you won’t believe people actually enjoy
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19.08.2017

6 sexual things you won’t believe people actually enjoy

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As a sex-worker, you get to experience a wide range of kinks and fetishes as men (and women) open their hearts, minds and wallets to you.
They know they can ask you for anything because you don’t have to talk about it ever again.
It’s a bit like therapy, and your bedroom is a safe room where you’re both free to do anything.
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Some fetishes are, of course, fairly obvious; I can certainly see why men would like to dress in sexy lingerie because I love to dress in sexy lingerie. It’s sexy. That’s the whole point.
But can I see why someone would want to sit in a bin and have rubbish thrown at them? That one was a bit more of a head scratcher.
I don’t believe in kink-shaming; live and let live and let everyone enjoy their sexual proclivities as long as they’re being safe, sane and consensual is what I say.
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I just can’t help but wonder how they found certain things a turn on.
These things, to be precise.
1. Blackmail
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The premise is simple – a man comes to me and I make him do humiliating things on camera.
He’s naked, eating dog food from a bowl on the floor, and sporting an erection that leaves no-one in any doubt that this is definitely his bag.
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He’s also a CEO for a multinational corporation and probably owns a bank account that could hold the annual budget for Geneva.
I take his phone, his email, and I threaten to send everyone in his contacts a copy of the video unless he sends me money.
Turns out blackmail is quite the fetish.
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However, it’s not the ‘easy money’ it may seem.
After all, it is actually thoroughly illegal, and if the client thought I was taking it too far (which they easily could because I have mad am-dram skillz) then I could definitely end up in trouble.
Instead, an agreed amount is set before the session, and all incriminating evidence is handed over at the end.
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I’m just too good.
2. CBT
Not Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Or the test you do when you want to drive a moped.
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This is cock and ball torture. And I think I enjoyed this a little too much.
Turns out that when a client is strapped helplessly to your bed, begging for you to twist off his balls, stick needles through his penis, and tie it all up with some elastic bands, it’s a very hard offer to turn down.
How can I not oblige?
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Of course this consists of various intensities, which is why it’s very important to let each other know your limits beforehand.
But beginners can’t go wrong with investing in a pinwheel (it looks like a tiny, vampiric pizza cutter) and urethral sounding rods (which are metal sticks that go in the pee-hole).
I think you’re beginning to see where the ‘torture’ part comes in.
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3. Farting
This goes in the ‘Things I Wouldn’t Do’ pile, but only for practical reasons.
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I used to get quite a few requests to fart on someones face.
However, what always amazed me was how men thought it was something I have any control over.
I had to remind them that farting is not something one can do on cue and, if you tried a little too much, you might get a bit more than you bargained for.
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That always took the wind out of their sails
4. Glasses
Yes. Yep, right here. Hello.
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I’d love to say, ‘Hey, no idea what drives me towards men in glasses’, but I know precisely who to blame: Superman.
It’s the idea that here’s this clever, bumbling, devoted nerd who might – at some point – take his glasses off and become someone completely different.
I feel like I’m getting two for the price of one.
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5. Intelligence
So I’m going to have to break my own ‘Thou Shalt Not Kink Shame’ rule here and declare that if you’re the kind of person who says ‘I find intelligence such a turn-on’ then you are a bell-end.
You’re an elitist snob, and probably a bit of an idiot yourself.
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According to Fetlife, ‘intelligence’ is number 56 in it’s list of the Most Popular Fetishes, but let’s take a moment to remind everyone that higher education isn’t accessible to all.
And do qualifications automatically equal intelligence?
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Intelligent AF, but common sense sadly lacking.
Or are you intelligent if you have a high IQ, like Ted Bundy, Harold Shipman and John Wayne Gacy?
6. Actirasty
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Actirasty is ‘arousal by the suns rays’, so obviously a little tricky to fulfill in England.
Well, I say that, but I did have an ex who would get incredibly randy if we went for walks on sunny days. I always thought it was some kind of exhibitionist thing but he never actually wanted people to watch.
It wasn’t the thrill of having sex outside either, it would be specifically ‘sunny day sex’.
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Mind you, it could also be because I look hot in a maxi dress

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